Two atoms walk into a bar.
One atom says, "You know, I think I forgot an electron..." The other atom asks, "Are you sure??" The first atom replies, "I'm positive!"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender gives him a beer and the neutron asks "How Much?" The bartender replies "For you, no charge!"
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer are arguing about god. They all agree that god is an engineer, but each one believes god works in his field. The mechanical engineer says, "Look at the human body! It's a fantastic machine; it self-repairs, two of them together can even create a third one! We humans have never, and will never make a machine as wonderful as the human body, so god must be a mechanical engineer." The electrical engineer says, "I'll use your own example against you. What good would the human body be without the human brain? It's an incredible computer, the likes of which we may never be able to create! God must be an electrical engineer." And the civil engineer says, "OK, I'll use the very same example. WHO ELSE but a civil engineer would put a waste pipeline through a major recreational area?"
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?". The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, "Take what you want". "The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".
Two mathematicians are off in the woods hunting deer. They come one across one 30 yards away. The first mathematician kneels, aims and fires, but the shot goes wide two feet to the left. The second mathematicians kneels, aims and fires but the shot goes two feet to the right. He jumps up, high-fives the first mathematicians and yells "Yeah! We got him!"
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